Vocation Story part 5 – Seminary Discernment

In many vocation stories, the story ends at this point. The one who discerned the vocation will say, “I entered the seminary, sure of my vocation, and became a priest. The End.” While I wish I could say that, I can’t. I entered the seminary not sure if it truly was my call, and not sure if I even wanted to answer that call if it was.

After sending in the application, I had to break the news to my employer that I would be resigning my employment with them. The response from the HR person that I spoke to was, “I can compete with any offer from another company, but how do you compete with God?” In the back of my mind, I was thinking the same thing. How do you compete with God?

I moved out of my apartment where I had been living for two years, and loaded everything I owned into a rental trailer hooked to the back of my truck. I was hoping for an uneventful move, which was not to be. The transmission on the truck went out, necessitating the change to a rental truck with my truck on a trailer. I got the truck and my stuff home, but the repair shop in my hometown did a poor job on the new transmission. The speedometer was thrown off (as a not-so-friendly Highway Patrolman demonstrated by issuing a speeding ticket), and a seal in the new transmission was messed up during the installation.

With all this frustration in the move, I was repeatedly asking myself, “What on Earth have I gotten myself into?” I had never been to Mount Angel Seminary. I had never been to Oregon. In fact, the only reason I chose Mount Angel over the Josephinum in Columbus, OH, was my desire to head the West Coast instead of staying in the Midwest.

Somehow, I was able to arrive at Mount Angel with little further difficulty, and got settled into my room. It was a major adjustment to go from a two-bedroom apartment to a dorm room smaller than my old bedroom. On top of that, the bathroom and shower were down the hall. Resigned to my fate, I set up the room so I could be comfortable and got down to business.

The first year at college seminary I spent doing the school work, going to the meetings I needed to attend, and checking the job search websites to see what kind of jobs were available in the “real world.” I wasn’t going to give up on that back door way out of the seminary. I wasn’t sure I needed to be there, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be there, and definitely wasn’t going to waste my time or the diocese’s money.

By the end of the first year, however, I started to warm to the idea of a vocation to the priesthood. I still wasn’t sure, so I figured I’d give it another year at least. Besides, this was an easy way to take care of a lot of college credits that I needed to fill anyways. I still couldn’t quite see myself as a priest, but I was willing to continue the discernment process.

There were a couple of times during the second year that I thought about saying “forget it!” to the seminary, but I found that those were becoming more and more infrequent. I started developing a stronger prayer life. I was taking the formation process much more seriously. I even thought about discerning for the religious life with the Benedictine monks who lived in Mount Angel Abbey and ran the seminary, but that didn’t last too long.

One change that occurred during the second year is that I stopped being so secretive about my vocation. When I would meet people while riding the train to and from Montana, they would invariably ask what I did for a living. I would answer, “I’m a college student.” Next question: “Where at?” I’d say, “At a small college in Oregon.” Them: “Oh, really? Where?” My response: “Near Salem.” Them: “What town?” Me: “Mount Angel” Them: “I didn’t know there was a college there.” Me: “Yeah, it’s a Catholic seminary. I’m kinda thinking about being a priest.” By the end of the second year, I became far more confident in my vocation, and readily admitted that yes, I was discerning a call to the priesthood.

By the time I reached the end of my four years of college seminary, I was pretty much convinced that I was called to be a priest, and that I needed to complete the process. Graduating from Mount Angel, I was asked by my diocese to attend Mundelein Seminary in the Archdiocese of Chicago. Admittedly, I wasn’t looking forward to spending four years in the middle of Chicago suburbs, but I figured this was as good an opportunity to practice obedience as ever.

While I didn’t really enjoy living in the suburbs as I expected, I did get a lot of great opportunities for discernment at Mundelein. Throughout my theology studies, I felt not only a willingness to accept the call to the priesthood, but a desire and appreciation for the vocation. Instead of being something I did because God willed it, it became something that I wanted as well.

Finally, after many years of discernment, I could finally say that I was sure of my vocation. I knew where God was calling my, and I knew that I wanted to answer that call. In 2008, after 10 years of discernment and 8 years of seminary study, I graduated from Mundelein Seminary, and on June 26, 2008, I was ordained a priest of the Diocese of Great Falls-Billings, MT.

Did my vocational discernment end on June 26th? So far as I felt called to be a priest it did, but now the discernment is how I live my vocation to the priesthood. That’s another story yet to be written, and may not be written this side of Heaven.