Tag Archives: marriage

Another day, another new study. A front-page article in today’s local paper proclaimed, “Teen sex not always bad for school performance“. Well, parents, I guess you don’t have to worry any more if your teens are in a “committed relationship” and engaging in premarital sex, because a group of sociologists from the U of California and the U of Minnesota have determined that “teens in committed relationships do no better or worse in school than those who don’t have sex.” Well, I guess that’s one less thing to worry about for parents, huh?

Not quite. Let’s start with a few definitions, shall we? First, what is a “committed relationship” versus “hooking up”? Yes, those are the terms used in the article (probably not in the original study, though). Is a committed relationship one where the couple is engaged, but not married yet? Is it having dated for a significant length of time before beginning sexual activity? Or is merely a monogamous relationship for a couple of months or so?

To put it simply, a committed relationship is one in which the man and woman commit themselves to remain faithful to each other for life. In other words, entering into the marital covenant. Anything else is not a committed relationship. It may not be the casual sexual relationships you see on TV and in the movies, but it is still less than a true commitment to the other. What woman wants to hear, “I love you, and I’ll commit to you until I get tired of you and want to find someone else”? Yet this is what a couple is saying when they enter into the sexual act without the bonds of marriage. It’s a false commitment.

By the fact that this study focused on teenagers, the so-called “committed relationships” are really false commitments. Legally, teens in most states can’t get married until 16 – only with parental permission – and with good reason. I would venture that the great majority of teens today are not mentally mature enough to make the life-long commitment that marriage demands. (As an aside, I’m sure every reader of this post can think of an adult who is not mentally mature enough for marriage.) Just because one has reached the age of puberty does not mean that he or she is mentally ready for the commitment and consequences that come with sex.

Now, let’s look at the other phrase: “hooking up”. As I’ve heard that phrase, it means having casual sex with multiple partners with no relationship beyond the sexual act. This, of course, is extremely dangerous physically and emotionally. The article is correct when it points out that hooking up leads to greater risk of truancy, diseases, criminal acts, and so on. It also views the other people as objects to provide physical pleasure.

The problem I have with these so-called committed relationships is that they become a long-term hooking up. Rarely does one couple remain together for the entire 4 years of high school, much less for the rest of their lives. Instead a couple will get together and date for months or a couple of years. They’ll break up, find new partners and repeat the process. They’re still having sex with multiple partners, just over several years. Sadly, this has become so prevalent that there’s a popular term for it: serial monogamy.

When these couples do break up, which will eventually happen in most cases, the emotional turmoil that is unleashed can and will seriously affect the teens at an age in which the emotions are already confused. I doubt the sociologists ever looked at the effects of the breakup of these committed relationships, and how it affects the teens’ GPAs at that point. I’m also sure they never looked at the teens’ later likeliness to enter into marriage and remain married, yet premarital sex does affect how one views marriage, especially the desire for entering into marriage and remaining within a marriage once difficulties arise. If you can enter into a “committed relationship” and break up when you’re no longer “in love” (meaning no longer feeling the mushy attraction towards the other person), why would you want to commit to someone for your entire life?

In short, the teens’ GPAs should be the least of their worries if they’re engaging in premarital sex. Sadly, the study only focused on one insignificant, unimportant aspect of their lives.